The Best B-day Present Ever.

I was assigned to work as a CNA on the floor with 5 patients. We had a guacamole and salsa party in celebration of my birthday. Around 12:30 am (the morning of my 21st bday) I was doing my hourly checks on my patients. I came to one room where I found the patient in the bathroom. This was not good! Why? Because he had a chest tube that he had forgotten to take with him. So, the chest tube was still in the room while he was in the bathroom. (In case you didnt know, a chest tube is inserted in between your ribs and drains fluid from the lung cavity) So yes, this was very dangerous! The drainage system had been tipped over and fluid was all over the floor. In the bathroom, my 70+ year old male patient was peeing everywhere. By everywhere I mean the floor, toilet seat, walls, and himself. I just suffered through the pee and chest tube fluid getting all over my pants as I helped the patient clean up and get back into bed. I ended up having pee up to my knees on my pants, but sadly, I am used to this happening and didn't even care that I had pee on my pants.
About an hour later, another CNA's call light was going off. I was watching her lights while she was out on a smoke break (dont even get me started on that!) I went into the room and the patient needed help getting to the bathroom. I helped this cute 91 year old man into the bathroom and handed him the urinal. He seemed to be steady enough, so I gave him his privacy and waited outside the door. I could see he was struggling getting the urinal into the right place, so I went in to help. I leaned forward slightly like a 10 degree angle is all, just so I could get the basic area of where it needed to go. At that time, his "man part" decided to go flying out and I got urine clear across the face. The patient knew it happened and said, "I got you, I am so sorry. What do you do with little problem children like me?" Being the good little CNA I am, I helped him back into his bed and was in his room for another 15 minutes trying not to freak out because of the urine on my FACE! After leaving his room, I started freaking out. I was rushed into the shower and given new scrubs. I was not okay with urine on the face like I had been okay with urine on the pants. I scrubbed my face raw I think. After my shower, someone had to ask if my mouth was open. So then I had to brush my teeth and rinse my mouth out several times. Don't worry, I did end up showering 3x that day and still didn't feel completely clean.
And that is the best birthday present ever. NOT!

ps: How come smokers in Utah get more breaks than anyone else?